Behind The Voices
by ConfusionxOr-Not
Summary: A fiction that corresponds with "On The Air With Organization 13". It takes you behind the voices and shows you the people. Starting from Roxas's tragic car accident! AkuRoku, Zemyx, and more!
1. Axel's Confession, Roxas's Crash

A kingdom Hearts Fanfic! it corresponds with my KH radio fic! I suggest you read that first please! if not, that's ok.. this can sorta stand on its own. :)

RATED M FOR LATER CHAPTERS. this chapter is rated T for Too Totally Tubular. imean Teens.

DISCLAIMER: Sarah does not own Kingdom Hearts, nor any of its characters. That is why she cries herself to sleep at night. (sheds tear)

WARNING: Strong language, implied Smex-ual activities, and Slash/yaoi/boyXboy smut. Yup, that's right; it's gay. don't like don't read please...

Written from Roxas's POV, please excuse the crappy-ness. This is why I usually just write dialogue..

Unbeta-ed. Please excuse any and all mistakes! (bows)

Plz enjoy!

* * *

What had possessed me to _drive_ to the store? It's only three blocks away. Oh yeah, the weather. Well, a fat lot of good that did; it's still snowing like crazy and the traffic is terrible. A quick trip to the store that SHOULD only take ten minutes, fifteen tops, is now taking an hour. Or rather, 43 minutes to be exact. I keep on looking at the clock and trying not to touch the dial on the radio. Who cares if I hate this popular crap? If I touch the dial, I know where it will end up. And that is bad. Because then I would hear HIM. And I don't want to hear HIM, don't want to think about HIM. But the past five songs have been full of stupid shit like knocking up some bitch and taking drugs, and "Poker Face" has played three times since I got in the car. My ears are close to bleeding.

_You don't need to touch it, just put it on search. It won't go anywhere near HIM. Just do it._

That is the lie I was now telling myself. I know it is a lie. I know that the traitorous part of me, the heart I had somehow gained, is aching to hear HIM. Such a masochist, that traitor inside me. So I press search, and half listen as more crap songs and country and snippets of commercials reach my ears. Then I heard something actually good! "The Reason" by Hoobastank! One of my favorite bands playing my favorite of their songs! I stopped the search and tapped the steering wheel in time with the base, singing in my (admittedly girly) soprano, harmonizing.

_I'm not a perfect person, _

_I never meant to do those things to you._

_And so I have to say before I go, _

_That I just want you to know_

_I found a reason for me to change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_I found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do_

_And the reason is you._

I snorted; of course with my luck I'd come in at the very end of the song. Then I froze.

"_That was 'The Reason' by Hoobastank! Ha, that's a funny name! Don't you think so Axel?"_

Shitshitshitshitshit Demyx! That could only mean...

"_(sniffle) Roxas loved Hoobastank… He had all their CDs…"_

It was HIM. HE was there. At the station. On the radio. In my car. In my thoughts. Everywhere. And he said my name. And it sounded like he had been.. crying? Impossible. HE didn't cry. Not in public at least. HE had cried, in front of me. Then joked it off. He was always doing that. I listened again as HE talked about OUR snowmen, and was shocked when I heard HIM say the L word. No, not lesbian. Love. Or rather, HE said loved. That- that HE loved my smile… that stunned me for a minute: HE said it, HE said the L word! HE loved my smile! Then the pessimistic-emo side of me spoke up.

_It's just you're smile, you love Demyx's smile because it makes others laugh, because he's your friend and you like to see him smile, that's probably what HE means. It's not LOVE love, just Like love._

That shut me up.

"_Is.. is that Roxas's hoodie?"_

And that made me speak. "What the hell?"

"…_yes…"_

So that's where it went. "You fucking klepto." I grumbled. I could hear the affection in my voice. Not good. I should not feel affection for HIM, not feel anything for HIM! We were over. Ended. Kaput. I reached forward to change the channel, and he said my name again.

"_Roxas used to hug me… he was so short, I could just rest my chin on his hair.. and then, his hair would tickle my nose, cuz it's so spiky, and I'd sneeze. And if I sneezed on him, he'd jump away and say "eeeewwww" just like that… (sniffle)"_

I shook my head, suppressing a smile. That was true, it had happened before, and WE always laughed and got ice cream afterwards, joking about the cold I was sure to get because of HIM. I missed HIM. I loved HIM. I wanted to never see or hear HIM again, but I couldn't change the station. HE was like a drug. I waited to hear HIM say my name again, as I inched forward in the traffic.

"_So uh, Axel, What do you think would help make you feel better?"_

"_Roxas."_

"_Yes, but Roxas isn't here. What do you do when Roxas isn't around and you're sad?"_

"_I call Roxas."_

"_Uh.. if he doesn't have his phone?"_

"_I go looking for him."_

"_Seriously?"_

"_I get worried if he's out without it.. he's so dam rape-able…"_

I turned bring red. Dam HIM, making me blush and saying something so dam embarrassing over the radio! I if I was there I would have smacked him upside the head!

"_You know what makes me happy? Roxas."_

I blushed harder; how could HE say something like that? Was HE playing with my heart on purpose? Did HE know I was listening to HIS voice and drinking it up like the world's sweetest nectar? No.. No that's impossible. HE didn't know what nectar was. The idiot. I saw myself in the mirror; bright red, with a love-sick look on my face. I glared at myself instead. Much better. I shouldn't think about HIM and what WE were, because that was over and done with. Like this station.

"_OoOh, OH! Can I talk about the first time I saw Roxas?"_

God dammit, how did HE know what to say to make me freeze like that? Bastard…

"_Siigh, I remember it like it was yesterday.. Superior had wanted me to take the new guy back to the Castle, and God when I saw him! It was in Twilight town, right in front of that creep-tastic mansion, and the sun hit him just right, and he just seemed to.. glow! And his eyes; they were so full of light, even when his face was expressionless and zombie-like and God, his HAIR! It just had the most golden hue and fuck, all I could think was that I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anything or anyone in my entire existence! So instead of taking him straight back to the castle, I took him to the clock tower and we had ice cream, and holy fucking Christ the way he ATE it-"_

I remembered the first time I saw HIM. I was freshly made, I had no memory of who or what I was. I only knew that I _was_. But other than that, nothing. Xemnas had given me a name and then disappeared, and in his place was HIM. HE was so tall, way taller than me, and so alive and vibrant, everything about HIM screamed color and noise and life, from HIS bright red hair that glowed in the setting sun, to HIS emerald eyes that caught the sunlight and made it more beautiful, to those dammed hips of HIS, cocked to the side, one hand resting on them (a totally gay pose I always mocked HIM for). I remembered staring at HIS tattoos, stunned by HIS brilliance, and the only stupid thought running through my head was "_I wonder if that hurt…"_ yep. Just call me Casanova.

"_Fine. God. Well, after a while, we became friends! And the first time he laughed… I- I felt this, this ache in my chest! And I didn't understand it! I couldn't! Somehow, that little perfect punk had made me FEEL something! And not just one thing, a whole bunch of somethings! I wanted him, and I was happy he was there with me, that he was my friend, that I'd made him laugh, and sad because he was a Nobody, because he wouldn't know the emotions that I could only remember yet somehow was feeling, and I was sad because he was so dam perfect and hot and wonderful and innocent and smart; how could HE love ME?"_

I snorted. The idiot, I was none of that. I was quiet and weird and awkward with people, and definitely not innocent and perfect. Ok, maybe back THEN I was, innocent that is, but not now. Geeze. And I had made HIM feel? Ridiculous; utter BS. Really. Right? Right. Maybe. And how could I NOT love HIM? HE was smart (in a stupid way), and funny, and kind, and tough, and strong, and so god dammed SEXY, not to mention warm. Everything about HIM was warm, and me? I was cold. But HE had the ability to make me warm, whether I wanted it or not. I often wonder if, without HIM, I would have become another Zexion. Pre-Demyx Zexion that is. That is always guaranteed to make me shudder.

"_And then he DID! Somehow, he wanted ME like I wanted him! I couldn't believe it.. I kept on waiting for him to say goodbye, or to laugh and say that it had all been a joke.. and then our first time-"_

I blushed all the more; trying to talk about THAT on the radio? Oh he was SO dead the next time I saw HIM- but wait. I wouldn't. I wouldn't see HIM. I would avoid HIM, at all costs. I would just listen to HIS voice on the radio, and try not to think about the person attached to it. The only person who could hurt me so much, the person who had. And HE thought _I_ would leave HIM? Laugh and say it was a joke? Really, who would do that to HIM? That utter perfection, that walking laughing living breathing sun; who would be so cruel and heartless to play with HIS feelings? Not me. Never me.

My car crept forward: I was finally close to heading through this stupid light. Almost home. I'd go home and hide. Almost home.

"_Shut up! It's not an obsession! I LOVE him!"_

HE said it. HE said it. HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE SAID IT HE said IT HE said IT HE said IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT! HE SAID it! HE SAID IT! No, A-Axel said it.

Axel said he loved me.

"_Well, Of course I didn't tell him! He was too god dammed PERFECT! How could he actually FEEL the same way I did? The reason the sun rises is so that it can look at him and the moon shines just for the slight chance that it will touch his face! The stars fall from the sky just so they can try to be the light in his eyes, but they aren't nearly as bright! Flowers lean towards HIM because he's brighter than the sun! How could he possibly feel the same about me?"_

Now he was saying my thoughts, but backwards. The idiot was describing himself. How couldn't I feel the same way about him?

"I love you too, Axel," I whispered, wishing he could hear me.

And that was the last thing I said before everything exploded in pain and darkness and pain. But I didn't drown in it; because in all that pain, in all that darkness, in all the silence and noise and light that my world had become, there was one thought that mattered.

Axel had said it.

* * *

(sheds manly tear) He said it!

Well... this wassss... interesting. forcing myself to write not dialogue is always difficult. Cuz I suck at not dialogue. XP I always have trouble with these things. this so called "normal" way of writing.

Tis difficult. Part of me wants to write in present tense the whole time, the other half wants past tense, it's so full of conflict! D:

BUT I managed to finish this lil gem. the next one would beee..uh, Axel rushing to the hospital. So I shall get to work on that. many good ideas for that. many.

As stated above, it might be easier for you to understand this and what's going on if you've read my other Fic, Organization XIII at 103.8 (or something like that) It's dialogue only and the guys have their own radio station! very fun to write! And it helps you to understand this!

UHMR, as usual, Reviews would be appreciated! do you guys see mistakes? or do you know ways I can better my writing? cuz good lord I am starting to HATE writing not dialogue. and that is a problem. because I love writing. and if I hate it, how can I love it? SEE? It's a problem.

Well well well, Hugs and Circles to you all (cuz who doesn't like a good circle?),

~Sarah


	2. Memories and Promises

ACK ACK ACK! I am a terrible terrible person for being away for sooo stinking long! please please PLEASE forgive me ohGodric I am SO SORRY! I'll explain more at the end! for now, please enjoy the following warnings:

A kingdom Hearts Fanfic! it corresponds with my KH radio fic! I suggest you read that first please! if not, that's ok.. this can sorta stand on its own. :)

RATED M FOR LATER CHAPTERS. this chapter is labeled T for Took Too long! ..Imean Teens...

WARNING: this chapter may contain strong language, implied smex-ual activities, Tear-jerking sadness, and slash/yaoi/boyxboy smut. in other words: gayness. and not the YAY! gay, the homosexual gay. Don't like? don't read please!

Written from Axel's POV. please excuse the terribleness... and possible OOCness... but I don't _think_ he was very OOC...

Un-beta-ed. Please excuse any and all mistakes!

Just a note to help you along: in this, thoughts and memories are in italics, but only memories have these - *_words_* - lovely lil things at the beginning and end of said italic area.

* * *

One foot in front of the other, left right left right, lengthen stride, run faster, jog down stairs, grab coat by door, run a hell of a lot faster, ignore Demyx and Emo-boy, run fucking faster. _He can't be in the hospital, he couldn't have gotten in that crash, not him not him not him! Roxas!_

I remember the first time we kissed; he had tasted like sea salt ice cream and sunshine. Now all I could taste was fear. _I'm an idiot Rox, I admit it! I'm sorry for everything I did, I really am! Please, Please, PLEASE don't be hurt!_

_*Roxas leaned back, glaring up at me. "Shrink a bit will ya?" I laughed; he had the cutest glare. _

"_And why should I, short stuff?" I rested my elbow on his head, flattening some unruly spikes. He grabbed my tie and jerked my face on the same level as his; suddenly I was staring into blue orbs, seeing my reflection in them, as well as a spark of something indefinable.*_

My converse set the rhythm for me as I ran through the snow and ice, slipping and sliding down the sidewalk. _Thwap Thwap Swooosh! Thwap Swooosh! Thwap_ left right left right, don't look back, watch out for that ice, and God dammit legs, RUN FASTER. The report had said three blocks from The Castle That Never Was, between there and the Grocery Store. Luckily, the radio station was only a block away from The Castle That Never Was, and that gave me only four blocks to run, nothing to a guy like me. Being tall had its advantages.

_*"You're tallness is a pain," he said, our faces mere inches apart. "It makes it harder to do things like this." Roxas removed those inches in a heartbeat, and suddenly his lips were warm on mine and my world was exploding behind my eyes at the shear intensity of his passion. We didn't even need to worry about height difference because as soon as he released me I fell to my knees, stunned._

"_Well dam, Roxie," I croaked, and an uncontrollable grin worked its way onto my stunned face while I took in the dazed and determined look in his. "Why didn't you just say so?"*_

"DAMMIT!" I yelled, slipping on some black ice. I regained my balance and blew on my frozen fingers, sending warmth and fire into them. I focused that heat on my feet, melting a path under me, leaving clearly defined foot prints in the quickly gathering snow. "I won't lose you Rox! Never again!"

_*"No one would miss me." He walked away; away from the castle, away from the organization. Away from me._

"_I would," I said, but it was too late, he was gone. And wherever my heart had gone when I had become a Nobody, I knew that somehow it had found its way to him. And now he had taken it. Maybe he didn't know that he had, but he took it none the less. And dam if this didn't hurt ten hundred times more than the first time I'd lost it.*_

My lungs ached and gasped for air, but I kept pressing on, thoughts and memories flying through my head. And If Onlys. Hundreds upon thousands of them. If Only I hadn't cheated on him, If Only I hadn't let Marluxia manipulate me like that, If Only I had followed him out the studio, If Only I had talked to him yesterday night or this morning, If Only I wasn't such a dimwit! If Only I had told him how I felt, If Only I hadn't held back, If Only If Only If Only!

_*"What are you thinking about Axel?"_

"_You of course!"_

"_Really?"_

"_You're never far from my mind, Roxas. For such a shrimp, you're really hard to ignore!"_

"_Hey! I'm not a shrimp!"_

"_Hahaa, I've got your ice creaaam and you're too short to get ittt!"_

"_Give it back you jerk!"_

"_NevAH! MWAHAHAHAHA!"*_

Hot tears fell down my face as I stood, frozen, at the accident site. There was the truck, the fucking huge 10 wheeler that had hit him, and smashed into a tree on the other side of the road, almost wrapped completely around the dammed thing, was Roxas's little yellow bug.

_*"Really Rox? A Punch Buggy? And bright Yellow?"_

"_So, what's wrong with a punch buggy?"_

"_Well, for one thing, it's so dam small I'll never be able to get in there with you!"_

"_Good, I can hide in there until you learn to keep your hands to yourself! And don't go knocking on my bug."_

"_Sorreey, I just thought you'd go for something more... I dunno, sophisticated! I mean, a bug seems like something Dem would get!"_

"_Well I like it. It's little like me and I get to drive around with the satisfying thought that I leave violence in my wake. What could be better than that?"_

"_Heh, you're so twisted Rox~"_

"_Shush or I won't let you help me christen my bug."*_

"AXEL!" I spun around; there was Demyx, leaning out of Zexion's black car, the emo himself at the wheel. "GET IN BEFORE YOU FREEZE DUMBASS!" I sprinted across the street, ignoring the angry calls of policemen and drivers, and jumped into the car.

"Hurry Hurry Hurry!" I gasped, "God dammit, Zexion, let's go!" And woah, we went. I would have never pegged Emo-boy for a speed demon, but he could have easily competed in NASCAR. Yet somehow, he was able to avoid any and all cops who were swarming the area.

_*"Axel! Slow down! Seriously, the road is not going anywhere, you're gonna get us both killed!"_

"_Sheesh Rox, I'm not going THAT fast… am I?"_

"_Well, considering that the speed limit is not 89 mph; YES."_

"_Oops…"*_

"Almost there," Zexion mutter, taking a sharp left.

_*"Bat turn!" We yelled, laughing, as we drove home from the new Batman Beyond movie._

"_God, Bruce Wayne gets me hot and bothered," teased Roxas, fanning his face._

"_No, Sherlock Holmes gets you hot and bothered," I amended for him. "And my amazing self too, of course." I gave him a saucy wink._

"_Heh, yeah, try to make that connection; two mega-smart gentlemen who fight crime, and one loud idiot who causes trouble!" I frowned a minute, then smirked._

"_It must be 'cause I'm so dam sexy!"*_

"DAM!" Demyx yelled, smashing his fist against the window. "I HATE OLD PEOPLE!" Zexion and I stared at him a second.

"What?" I asked.

"THAT LITTLE OLD LADY JUST CUT US OFF!" He yelled, rolling down the window, then leaning out. "FUCKING BITCH!"

_*"THAT FUCKING BITCH!" I watched him pace back and forth in front of me; you could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. "I WILL KILL HER!"_

"_Uh, Rox, Marluxia is a guy..." Suddenly my face was scant inches away from an angry blond._

"_Is he Axel? Is he?" He asked, leaning closer. "Has anyone ever PROVED it?"_

"…_Rox, who much did you drink earlier?"_

"_I dunno, maybe...a lot? Shut up, that doesn't change the fact that Marluxia is a bitch! How DARE she/he/it call ME a slut? I'll kill her/him/it!"_

"…_Righto, time for bed!"_

"…_Carry me to the room?"_

"_Anything for you babe."*_

" 'SCUSE ME! What room is Roxas Strife in?" The no-nonsense woman at the desk looked down her nose at me (the bitch) and then looked at her computer.

"Hrmh, there is a Roxas Strife in critical care right now, so you won't be allowed to see him. May I ask how you are related to the patient?"

"I'm his b-" I cut myself off; I had no right to call myself his boyfriend anymore. "His roommate." Ms. Bitch scribbled that down on a form.

"Hrmh, name please?"

"Axel Harte," I looked back at Demyx and tossed him my phone. "Call Sora. Tell him Roxas is in critical care." Demyx nodded, grabbing the phone.

"You got Cloud in here too?" he asked finding Sora in my contacts. I nodded.

"Course, though it's under 'That jerk' on my contacts list," Demyx gave me a withered look and held the phone up to his ear.

_*"He's gonna kill me Rox! He's gonna rip my guts out and then hang me with them!" Roxas rolled his eyes and patted my knee. _

"_Don't worry; I won't let him get close enough to kill you. At least we're telling him about us; Sora and Riku kept it a secret and he caught them having sex in Riku's car." I paled at the thought of what Cloud must have done to Riku; the man was so protective of his little brothers that it was scary as hell._

"_Roxas? Sora? You guys home?" If there was any color left in my face, I'm sure that it was completely gone now. Even Roxas looked a little nervous. He grabbed my hand and gave me a shaky smile._

"_Here we go…"*_

When we were finally allowed to see Roxas it was pitch black outside. Cloud, Sora, and I all followed a short nurse down the maze of hallways and stairs to a room labeled 813. The nurse tugged a short brown curl and smiled apologetically at us. "I'm sorry, I know most hospitals don't have a room labeled 13, that being an unlucky number and all, but our director doesn't believe in that sort of thing. He says that no matter what you call it, it's still the thirteenth room." The two Strifes and I traded strained looks of amusement. _I hope it's good luck that Roxas got his own number for a room._

The nurse pushed open the door and ushered us in, putting a finger to her lips as a reminder to stay quiet. I let Cloud and Sora go in first, then followed slowly behind them. I'll admit it; I was scared shitless. I had seen Roxas beaten up pretty bad, but that was by heartless, something he could easily fight against. And wounds caused by heartless could be healed by potions; something like this could not. I heard a sharp intake of breath from Sora and braced myself, forcing my chicken legs to bring me to the edge of the bed.

_*Roxas and I sat at the top of the clock tower, our legs dangling over the edge, watching the sun set slowly and eating sea salt ice cream. "Hey, Axel?"_

"_Yeah Rox?"_

"_What's love?" I looked at him, startled. I was used to the zombie-like boy asking odd questions; he had every right to as he couldn't remember anything about his past, but this was weirder than usual. _

"_Where'd you hear about love?" I asked, trying to buy some time. How do you explain something like love to someone who had no heart and no memories of ever having one?_

"_Well," he started slowly, looking at the popsicle in his hand. "I was in Agrabah, and that Aladdin guy told the Princess girl, Jasmine? He told her that he loved her. Then I had to go to Beast's Castle, and the candelabra and the clock were talking about how some bell needs to fall in love with their master before time ran out. But I don't get it…" He took a bite of the ice cream and stared blankly at me. I let out a puff of breath and scratched my head._

"_You don't pick the easy questions, huh?" I looked at the sky, and we sat in silence for half a second while I collected my thoughts. "Love," I finally said, "Is the strongest emotion out there. Stronger than hate, stronger than sadness, stronger than anything. It's what you feel for your family and friends, but that's a different kind of love than what Aladdin and Jasmine were talking about, and different from what the candelabra and the clock were talking about too. There is a special kind of love you feel for one person in particular; and that is the strongest kind of love." Roxas cocked his head to the side._

"_So what happens when you... love... someone? With that kind of love I mean." I glanced at him, then went back to watching the sky._

"_Well, your chest gets all tight when you see them, and it hurts when you're not with them."_

"_So… love is a bad thing?" I shook my head._

"_No, it's a good thing, a great thing actually. Probably the best thing that could happen to a person. Because when you're with that person you love, you feel so good, especially if that person loves you back. Sometimes it hurts if they don't, but if you really love them, then you just want to see them be safe and happy, even if it's not with you. But it feels the best when they're _with_ you. And you get to do fun stuff like kissing!" He looked at me curiously._

"_What's kissing?"*_

Roxas looked almost like a mummy; he was so completely wrapped in bandages. One was on his head, going over one of his eyes and covering his skull, letting only little shocks of blonde hair show here and there, another was wrapped over his mostly exposed chest and collarbone. His right arm was in a cast, his left also wrapped in bandages. There was a bright purple bruise blooming on his check and his right leg was propped up and in a cast; the rest of him was covered in blankets.

The nurse picked up a chart from the foot of his bed as Sora cried silent tears and Cloud pulled him close.

"He was very lucky Mr. Strife," she said softly, examining the chart and addressing Cloud, who was not only Roxas's oldest brother, but also his legal guardian. "In an accident as bad as the one Roxas got caught in, well, we've had patients completely lose their mobility and become totally paralyzed. He is not even slightly paralyzed. His spine was not injured, though the rest of him was. He has a nasty cut on his left arm and a split tendon there as well, though that was easily fixed. His right arm is broken in two places, his right leg broken in three. He's got a bruised collarbone, and a slight crack, but that again is easily fixed. He had four broken ribs, but we've taken care of those, and he just needs to remain still. A shard of glass hit his eye, but was not big enough to get past the eyelid, though that is pretty bad at the moment, but it should heal up enough to not be visible except for when he closes it. He won't lose any sight in that eye. There is a lot of bruising, as should be expected, but that is not necessarily bad, as bruises are natural and easily healed. He has a spilt tendon in his right thigh and a large slash down his side, going from just below the armpit, all the way down his hip, stopping right at the thigh. The left side is mostly bruising; all the worst stuff is on the right, which is where the truck hit his car and where the car hit the tree."

She finally looked at up at us. I saw something flicker in her eyes; understanding? Fear? I could understand fear; Cloud looked broken, and on someone like him, that was horrifying. Sora was crying into his brother's arm, and I couldn't even imagine what I must've looked like, though I felt hollow and frozen, like my heart had been torn out of my chest. Again.

"Is he going to be okay?" croaked Cloud. The nurse looked back at the chart, flipping a page and avoiding our eyes.

"Well, the worst part is his head. He has a cracked skull and there was some internal bleeding. We managed to fix that, and put stitches on the break, but we also noticed that he had some damaged nerves and brain tissue that had healed a long time ago; possibly four to five years. Does that sound about right?" Cloud nodded woodenly.

"He was in an... accident." He said, staring just past the woman's shoulder. How else could we explain Roxas's lost memory, his death, and his being brought back with the rest of the Nobodies? The Organization wasn't exactly a secret anymore, sure, but it wasn't exactly common knowledge, or something you waved around.

The nurse just smiled sympathetically. "I'm so sorry, that must be hard, two accidents in five years! Well, some of that was damaged again as well, and he is currently in a coma. He could wake up in a day, a week, or even a year; we don't know. These sorts of accidents are hard on the body, but even harder on the mind. His mind needs time to rest and recover from any trauma. We do suspect that he may have some form of handicap when he does awaken; anything ranging from a speech impediment to memory loss."

_*"I don't remember any of my past…I can't remember anything from before I joined the organization…"*_

"Oh God," I put my hands ever my mouth and leaned over, feeling like I was going to be sick. This could not be happening not to Roxas! Hadn't he suffered enough? Hadn't his entire existence been filled with enough trials and pain to last two entire life times? How could something like this happen to someone as sweet and kind and smart and caring and wonderful as Roxas? I felt wetness on my face and hands, and watched through blurred vision as tears fell to the sterilized white-tiled floor. I stumbled backwards until my back hit the wall. "Roxas," I choked out as I crumpled to the floor, as every emotion that had been muffled by shock suddenly hit me at full blast. Tears streamed down my face, which I covered with my hands, and my entire body shook with silent sobs. It felt like my heart was shattering into a million pieces, and each piece was splintering and stabbing my insides, especially the empty gap where my heart had just been. _I'm being torn apart. This is it; my own god dammed heart is tearing me apart._

Then I felt small arms wrap around me. I looked up to see Sora hugging me fiercely, tears still going down his face. "He'll be okay Axel; even if his memory is gone again we'll help him get it back!" He whispered, giving me a squeeze. "I know how much you love him, and you know how much _we_ love him! He won't have to go through this alone again, and neither will you!"

_*"Don't worry Axel; I won't let you do anything stupid. Or at least, I won't let you do it alone. I promise, I'll stick by you, just as long as you remember to stick by me. That's what friends do, right?"*_

"Thanks Sora," I whispered, barely recognizing my own voice. It sounded as though I'd been screaming. Maybe I had, but just on the inside. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Cloud standing next to me. He wasn't looking at me of course, but over at the broken blonde we all loved so much.

"If you blame yourself for this, then I will just have another reason to want to kill you and no Roxas to stop me," He said gruffly. "And he'd probably be pissed if he woke up and you were dead." I was shocked; this was the equivalent of Cloud saying that he _liked _me. I nodded slowly. This much shock was probably very bad for my mental system. Good thing I was already at the hospital.

I awkwardly patted Sora's back and stood up, whipping the tears out of my face, slightly embarrassed, but not caring enough about something as silly as that when there was something as important as Roxas's life on the line. I moved to the bed and gently put my hand in his open palm, looking up to make sure that this was okay with the nurse. She nodded encouragingly as she placed the charts back at the foot of Roxas's bed and I entwined my fingers with his. I felt a weak smile slip onto my face; even in this state, his skin was a healthier color than mine

I closed my eyes and focused on the feel of Roxas's hand in mine. It felt so fragile and frail, but so very warm still. Not as warm as mine probably was, but still, it was warm in a way that was entirely Roxas. Warm like the boy who made the sun rise.

"I promise Roxas, I'll be here when you wake up. I won't let you go through this alone. When you wake up, you won't have that heartless bastard looming over you, not like the first time. And when you wake up, I will apologize for what I did, and then I will never let you out of my site ever again. I promise."

It may have been my imagination, but I could have sworn that for half a second, I felt the most feather-light touch of pressure on my hand holding his. It could have been my imagination; but I don't think it was.

* * *

! I AM SORRY! I am such a terrible HORRIBLE AWFUL PERSON!

Please, let me explain!

So first I had WRITER'S BLOCK of HATE. and that tied me up for like, a week and a half. THEN I went on Deviant art which I LOVE but it gave me a VIRUS. may I just say that I HATE advertisements? the dAadmins need to do something about those evil evil things! well, log story short, after a month my Dad FINALLY gave my computer a clean bill of health and I was banned (by him) from ever going on dA ever again. EVER. which BREAKS MY HEART because I LOVE that place.

WEll, after that it was a matter of scavenging all of my files and trying to save them and make sure that they were all okay, which took FOREVER. then I thought that I had lost my like 8GB thing that I put my important files on, AKA the one on which I keep THIS STORY ON, and it took FOREVER to find that. then I realized "MERLIN'S PANTS! I NEVER FINISHED IT!" and had to finish it, finally bursting through that Godric dammed writer's block.

..in case you have not noticed from my wizard swears, I am a Harry Potter fangirl. I have always been one, but it's gotten especially bad since my mom made me a Slytherin scarf and my friends converted to the Potter side.

ANYWAYS, that's my story. I am so extremely sorry about all of the time I was away and all the time you had to wait for this! I know it must have sucked so much because I feel the exact same way when My word slaves-imean... when the authors that I like to read.. when they disappear, it makes me sad. I have one who told me personally that they might not ever come back to the story that I love by them, and I still check it every day. I feel so terrible if I caused any of you any sadness or distress or cliff-hanger's syndrome!

In other news we shoudl hopefully be more.. on track now. at least with Behind The Voices. I'm still trying to fins where I left off at with On the Air with Organization XIII. I've lost my mojo.. it needs to return. like, NOW. or I will have to crucio it.

..okay, I love you all! I'm sorry if I did not reply to your reviews because I am usually good about that, but my email was full of SPAM and a lot of good things got deleted with the bad! D:

Please review! I love you all so much!

Your devoted Word Slave,

~Seo


	3. Roxas Awakens

A KH fanfic! Rated M for later Chapters! This chapter is Rated **T**!

**WARNING:** this chapter may contain strong language, implied smex-ual activities, Tear-jerking sadness, and slash/yaoi/boyxboy smut. in other words: gayness. and not the YAY! gay, the homosexual gay. Don't like? don't read please!

**Disclaimer:** Do I LOOK like I Own Kingdom hearts? I HAVE NO MONEY!

Told from Roxas' POV. _Thoughts are in italics_. There may be possible OOCness. And please excuse any mistakes, because I cannot beta my own work to save my life!

* * *

I slowly forced my eyes open, feeling like they had been closed for eternity. _What the hell happened?_ I rubbed my eyes- _Wait. What the-? _Scratch that, my freakin arm _wouldn't move._ _What the hell is going on?_ I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, before shutting my eyes once more. I focused on my hand, I could _feel_ it there, even if it wasn't working, but I couldn't quite remember how to get my _fingers _to move, let alone my entire arm. I took another breath and tried to focus on the positives. _Okay, I am alive. This is good. Why the hell can't I move? It's like I'm paralyzed or something-_

Then it hit me. The crash, the truck, the pain, voices that said things I couldn't quite understand, flashing lights, the keyblade appearing before me, a magic shield, Axel's hand in mine, the scratch of a pen, a weight on my head, a pain in my side, wetness dripping on me, laughter around me, whispered promises in a voice that warmed my heart; it all hit me at once, and the only thing going through my head was _Oh, I was in a coma._

I quickly thought back. I could still remember things, there weren't any gaps of black nothingness like there were when I had first lost my memories. I thought back on Sora and Cloud and could remember every birthday spent with them, every holiday and vacation, I could remember buying music with Demyx and books with Zexion. I could remember arguing about love with Xaldin and seeing Mansex molest Saix. _Dammit. Still mentally scared. _I could remember poker with Luxord, running from Vexen, tea parties Xion and Namine, (cat)fights with Marluxia, running in fear from Larxene, poking Lexaeus to see if he was alive, and hiding from Xigbar for fear of being raped. I remember Hayner and Pence and Olette, even Seifer! So why did it feel like I was missing someone-

Oh.

My eyes burst open and I weakly turned my head, searching desperately for- there he was. Slouching in a chair, asleep, was a lanky red-headed teen, with black tattoos under his eyes, a notebook lying open in his lap and a pen dangling limply from his fingers. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in at the sight of that idiot. _My_ idiot.

I opened my mouth to call out his name,

And nothing came out. I tried again, but only succeeded in what sounded like a strangled cry. At this point my emotions seemed to shut down and a very rational part of my mind began speaking to the less ration part, trying to sort everything out.

_Okay, so we were in an accident, and have been in a coma for God knows _how_ long. We don't know what is wrong with us, but it _is_ likely that not being able to speak or move is only a side-effect from being unconscious for however long we were out. At least we still have all our memories! Right?_

_BUT IF I CAN'T SPEAK HOW CAN I TELL THAT RED HEADED IDIOT OVER THERE WHAT A MORON HE IS FOR NOT TELLING ME HE LOVED ME AGES AGO? IF I CAN'T MOVE HOW CAN I KICK THE CRAP OUT OF HIM FOR CHEATING ON ME BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME? DIDN'T THINK OF _THAT,_ DID YA, VULCAN BOY!_

…_Point taken._

Suddenly, the red head stirred, and I watched as he shot straight up, obviously surprised that he had fallen asleep, and rubbed his eyes.

"I'm up Rox I'm up!" He tiredly exclaimed, obviously out of habit since there was no way he could have noticed that I was awake. "I'll call Sora and he can get Namine out of the well!" I must admit I was concerned for a minute that Namine _had_ actually fallen down a well (knowing how spacey she could be, this wasn't unlikely), then I realized that he really just wasn't awake yet. I didn't want to try to speak again, so I did the next best thing.

I coughed.

The reaction was immediate. He froze, and deep emerald eyes snapped open and stared, meeting my own. I smiled weakly and raised an eyebrow. _Well?_

"R-Roxas?" he whispered, falling out of the chair and onto his knees, notebook and pen clattering to the floor, forgotten. "Y-you're really awake? I'm not just dreaming? Cloud didn't slip something into my food because he was sick of having to see my face every day? I'm not dead am I? 'Cause if we both are dead then Cloud will be _pissed_ and blame it most likely on me." I rolled my eyes and tried to find my tongue; hearing him speak had brought back memories of what talking felt like.

"Y.. … i..id..i.o…t," I managed to get it out. It was clumsy and sounded garbled but he knew what it was, and really, that's all that matters.

"ROXAS!" He threw his arms around my neck and latched on, and I was too weak to struggle out of his grasp. It totally had nothing to do with the fact that I _wanted_ him to hold me. Nothing to do with the way his arms made me feel safe and whole. Nope, absolutely nothing to do with any of that.

I didn't even realize I was crying until he pulled back and I saw that his own eyes were filled with tears. I wanted to wipe those tears away, but again, being unable to move… not exactly the best. I settled for him kissing away each and every one of my own tears, before those soft full lips settled on my own. This wasn't like our usual kisses though; this wasn't needy and passionate, or bittersweet like the last time I had kissed him, when I suspected he was cheating. This kiss was chaste and wonderful and full of so much god dammed _love_ it made my head spin.

"Rox, oh Rox," he moaned as he kissed my face over and over. "I was so worried about you; I'd thought that I'd lost you without telling how I felt- Goddammit, I thought I lost you period! God Rox, I can deal with you hating me forever, I can deal with you never wanting to see me again, but God, if you had _died_-!" He buried his face in my neck, hiding his tears, and I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him, but they just wouldn't work. "Roxas," he muttered against my collarbone. "You need to know, I love you." He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "I always have, I always will. I-I didn't tell you because I –I thought that you didn't _truly_ love me, that you couldn't even if you wanted to, because, well, you're so amazing and perfect, and I'm just …me. I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, but Zexion helped me realize how stupid I was. I guess, after having you and him and practically every goddamed Nobody in the Organization cept Demyx tell me that every day, I finally listened… and then you were in the accident and, God, I was so fucking scared!"

Tears still streamed down my face, but I was smiling now. "I…di..ot." I whispered. "al…w-w..ays l-lo..ved y..y..ou." Axels eyes widened and he smiled too, and unrestrained smile that stretched ear to ear.

"Roxas," he kissed me again, a peck on the lips, before pulling back and slapping a hand to his forehead. "Oh crap, I'm suppose to call one of the nurses if you wake up! Hang on!" He stood up and ran to the door, leaning out into the hallway and calling in a muffled voice. He returned with a woman following behind him. _'Hmmm.. she looks vaguely familiar..'_

She smiled sweetly and pushed a strand of brown hair out of her face. "Hello Roxas, I'm Belle! I'm not your regular nurse, but I'll have to do for the moment!" I could feel my eyes widen for a minute as it hit me; she was from Beast's Castle, the chic that the Beast was in love with! _What the hell is she doing here?_

She moved to my bedside and checked my pulse, asked me to open my mouth so she could check my throat, shined a light in my eyes, that sort of thing. Then she asked me if I could sit up.

"N-no.." I muttered, looking to the side.

"That's fine," she said, smiling sympathetically. "Let me give you a hand then!"

"C-c..an..'t m-mo…ove," I slurred, wincing at the clumsy was the words fell from my mouth. Axel was hovering, his eyes alight with concern. Belle's brow furrowed and she looked at me oddly.

"You can't move at all?" she said, propping me up on the pillows. "And you're having trouble talking as well… how odd! I should definitely call in the Doctor…" she got up and walked to a phone hanging on the wall near the door. She picked it up and dialed before whispering conspiratorially with the person on the other end. Axel sat next to me, concerned.

"You're not paralyzed, the doctors told us that when we first got here," he said, brushing my hair out of my face. "So don't worry about that. Maybe it's from being asleep for so long…"

"H..ow l-lo..ng?" I asked, looking up at him. He moved his hand from his head to stroke my cheek.

"A little over nine months. You missed Christmas, and it's the end of August now. But don't worry, your presents are still unopened, I restrained myself." He winked, trying to make me laugh, but I felt like a stone had just been dropped on my chest. _'NINE MONTHS!'_ My mind went temporarily blank as it tried to understand the fact that I had been comatose for _nine freaking MONTHS._ I looked out the window and wondered how I hadn't realized it before; the trees outside were green and there were flowers mixed in with their leaves. The room was cool, but not in an uncomfortable way, so obviously it must be cooler that the temperature outside of the room. I took a breath and let it out slowly.

"N-ni..ne mo—n..th..s," I whispered, then snorted. "Heh..D-De..m..yx."

Axel snorted, "Heh, yeah, well, it's the month of the Axel, so no wonder you woke up!" He leaned down and gently kissed my forehead. I smiled; normally he would have tried to jump me by now. If me being unconscious had taught him some self control, then it was worth it.

"Alright Mr. Strife!" said Belle, smiling brightly. "Your regular nurses will be in a moment, so please bear with me! Mr. Heart, I'm going to have to ask you to leave for a bit though, and if you could contact Mr. Strife's legal guardian, that would be wonderful!"

"Oh, right, okay!" Axel kissed me on the forehead again and stared into my eyes. "I'll be right back, okay? I have Cloud on speed dial now, he's six six six." He gave me a saucy wink and I rolled my eyes as he left. As he went out the door, two young adults came in.

"Hi there Roxas! I'm Lizzy Tweedle, and this is my twin brother Colin Tweedle! You can call _me_ Dee, and him Dum! It's nice to finally see you conscious!" The girl was practically skipping around the room, looking creepily cheerful. She had short curly brown hair and her brother, Colin apparently, had spiky brown hair and blue bangs.

"We're your regular nurses!" Colin was practically singing as they whirled around the room, grabbing instruments and charts. "You had lots wrong with you and a HOT big bro who pays lots of money so you got twice as much looking after!" I blushed at that; stupid Cloud with his stupid hero money…Wait, did he just call Cloud HOT?

Suddenly there was a twin on either side of me, smiling reaaallly creepily at me. "It's time for us to run some tests!" _Somehow… I fear for my life a LOT right now._

"ROXAS!" Sora ran forward and outright glomped me. I wanted to squirm away, but I was still having issues with moving. The demon twins had told me that it was because of using the Keyblade and other magic to save myself. Apparently there were mixed results. I got to live, but all my strength was used up, and because of the scale of the accident and the fact that doctors who didn't know about magic or Nobodies got to me first, the small amount of magic that I had had left was having trouble replenishing. Then I found out that VEXEN was actually my doctor, so _that_ gave me a heart attack. Then there were about a million tests, and any strength I'd had in me went right out the window.

"So..ra.. get…off.." I gave him my most evil glare. "B..ig. b..a..by." Sora was sobbing and smiling at the same time, clinging to me with all his strength.

"You-you almost DIED and you call me a baby for crying? I thought you were the smart one!" He laughed and wiped at his eyes. "I'm so happy you're okay Roxas, I was so worried!" I felt a hand in my hair and looked up right into Cloud's eyes.

"NEVER. DO THAT. AGAIN." He hissed, glaring death down at me. "Do you know how worried I was? You are never allowed to drive anywhere ever again. I don't care if the red-headed demon has to carry you everywhere; you are not driving a car EVER again!" I ignored his words in favor of outright gawking at the tears in his eyes. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around me. "Really Roxas, I thought you were the smart one too."

"I…am…th..e s..smar..t.. o..ne." I pouted, glaring slightly. Cloud straightened up.

"Doctor Vexen briefed us on why you can't talk and why you can't move," his eyes darkened in a way that made my heart freeze. "Un- I mean, _fortunately_," he said the word through gritted teeth. "Axel has been training with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, who are licensed physical therapists, and has gotten _his_ physical therapy license in a crash course while you were unconscious. So He'll be your physical therapist, but you'll still have to report in at the hospital once a week for physical exams, and Vexen will be checking in on you while you're at home." Ah, so that's why he was grumpy. He had only just barely allowed me and Axel to go out, and he had known the instant that we had broken up thanks to Sora. No wonder he was so pissed about all this. Come to think of it, why wasn't I mad at Axel anymore? I'd have to ask Zexion and Demyx what Axel had been doing while I was unconscious.

"W..wh..en c..ca.n I g..go h..o..me?" If I could have moved my fingers I would have crossed them for good luck. Going home and starting the physical therapy as soon as possible was pretty much at the top of my priority list. Cloud's frowned deepened.

"If by _home_ you mean back to the Castle that Never Was, then not for a long long time," I deflated a little at that. "But," OoOh, a catch! "You can come home to _my_ house around October or something. Your old room is just how you left it and everything, and Sora has been staying there as well since Riku," he spat out the name like it was poisonous, "Has been visiting his grandmother and didn't want Sora to stay in the apartment all alone." Sora pouted.

"He wouldn't let me come with him!" he complained, sitting on the corner of my bed. "He said I'd only slow him down since he didn't want to be caught by his Dad, and since his Grandma AND the attic really creep me out!" I rolled my eyes. I would have left Sora behind too. Frankly, he was a huge wuse when it came to things that he couldn't just whack with a keyblade.

I sighed and felt my eyelids drifting. Dam I was tired. Cloud noticed and grabbed Sora, pulling him out of the room and pausing only to throw a gruff "Goodnight" over his shoulder. The room was silent for a moment and I shut my eyes for a second, then suddenly there was a hand on my head. II lazily opened one eye and saw Axel, smiling softly.

"Hey, sorry, I know you're tired, I just wanted to say gonight, okay? And that I'll be here when you wake up, and I won't let the Tweedle twins go near you while your asleep cuz I could tell that they creep you out as much as they creep _me_ out." I hummed a bit shut my eye, not wanting to use the effort it took to make words. "Heh, you're lucky you're adorable when you sleep. Of course, be sure to wake up this time, kay?" I "Hmmm"ed in what I hoped was an affirmative way, but by then I couldn't really care because I was long gone, falling asleep to the voice of the idiot I loved, and maybe, _maybe,_ possibly wouldn't kill for leaving me.

* * *

YAY FINALLY POSTED! So much joy at finally getting this HIDEOUS LIFE KILLER off of my harddrive! :D Seriously, SO MUCH WRITER'S BLOCK. and the story isn't even that good. *facepalm* YEah, this took waaaay too long. the original plan was to post it AUGUST 13th, AKA, Akuroku day! and I FAILED SO HARD. IT'S OCTOBER FOR PETE'S SAKE! So I fail at life.

Wellll, next time I post it should beeeee... Roxas being discharge from the hospital. Most likely in Axel's POV. I think I'm just gonna switch back in forth between them, one chapter from Roxas, one from Axel, ect. ect.! I will definetly get it up this month because I do not want to be so horribly late AGAIN. ... you know what? some day some one is gonna read this, and they will not give a dam about the months or when it was posted. BUT I CARE. MY OCD COMPELS ME. *flails like a magicarp*

Also, Author cameoooo! because.. I suck. XD YESH, I AM TWEEDLE DEE. tho, my name is not Lizzy, and I may have been watching Black Butler when I wrote that part, but WHATEVER. and Good ol Steve is Tweedle Dum. Ah Steve. So much therapy, so little time.

Leaving you wondering,

Cuz I suck like that,

~Seo


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